End of Summer

It is early morning. My kids go back to school today.

The backpacks are packed, every item that can bear a name tag has one, and the pencils are sharpened. At least, half of them are. Suddenly I couldn’t remember whether the teachers liked to have the pencils pre-sharpened. Then I pictured the other children happily taking turns at the sharpener and my own children miserable at being left out. So I decided to do half and half. Yes, I know I overanalyze everything! It’s part of being a writer and a mother.

It’s been a tough summer for writing. I’ve hired a babysitter for a few afternoons here and there, but frankly, I’ve had trouble getting my head into the game. I feel guilty writing during the summer, as if by having my children romp for a few hours with the sweet teenager who lives next door I am depriving them of something vital that only I can give. In my saner moments I realize this is nonsense; we’ve had all sorts of fun time together this summer, from blueberry picking to craft projects to a vacation in Maine.

Yesterday, a couple other mothers and I took our children for a last fling at a park. The kids waded around the stream below a sunlit waterfall, catching crayfish, frogs and minnows, while the other mothers and I talked about all our mingled feelings: joy, regret, guilt. We weren’t sure (at least I wasn’t) whether we’d be dancing or crying when the bus pulled up.

Part of me can’t wait for the quiet house, for more time for my writing. And part of me feels terribly guilty about feeling that way. What sort of awful mother am I? I remind myself that it’s important to find balance: time to be with my little ones, but also time to nurture myself and my own creativity. My children look to me as a role model. I don’t want them to see a cranky martyr; I don’t want to pass on the burden of guilt. I want them to see a woman passionate about them and about her work, too. One who takes risks and doesn’t limit herself to a single role in life.

So to any mothers sending their children back to school, remember it’s OK to do the happy dance in your bathrobe as the bus pulls away. It’s also OK to shed a few (buckets of) tears.

I expect I’ll do both. Then I’ll get back to writing.

About Elena Greene

Elena Greene grew up reading anything she could lay her hands on, including her mother's Georgette Heyer novels. She also enjoyed writing but decided to pursue a more practical career in software engineering. Fate intervened when she was sent on a three year international assignment to England, where she was inspired to start writing romances set in the Regency. Her books have won the National Readers' Choice Award, the Desert Rose Golden Quill and the Colorado Romance Writers' Award of Excellence. Her Super Regency, LADY DEARING'S MASQUERADE, won RT Book Club's award for Best Regency Romance of 2005 and made the Kindle Top 100 list in 2011. When not writing, Elena enjoys swimming, cooking, meditation, playing the piano, volunteer work and craft projects. She lives in upstate New York with her two daughters and more yarn, wire and beads than she would like to admit.
This entry was posted in Writing and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to End of Summer

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.