Still More questions from Bertie

Greetings! It is I, Bertram St. James, delighted to be here (as always). I know you Twenty-First Century folk do not much care to answer my questions, but I will nonetheless continue to ask them. Such as:

1. How can the United States of America call itself a republic, and yet have a queen? And what sort of a queenly name is Latifah, anyway?

2. Why would anyone pay eighty dollars to buy Obsession? Is not Obsession something one comes by naturally, and occasionally pays large sums to be rid of?

3. In my day, musicians had names like John and Nathaniel. Why do musicians today have names like N Sync and Eminem? And why do they play no instruments?

4. Speaking of musicians, if M.T.V. truly stands for “Musical TeleVision”, why does it play no music?

If anyone can explain to me the answers to these conundrums, I will be most grateful.

Yours as ever, and exquisite as always,

Bertie the Beau

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6 Responses to Still More questions from Bertie

  1. Amanda says:

    Regarding MTV, Bertie, it does play music, it simply chooses to play it at 2 a.m. when only those who have insomnia or those whose revelries have lasted long past the witching hour are watching. I’ve been in both those situations, so have been fortunate enough to actually see music on Music Television, which is a rare and precious gift, I daresay…

  2. Cara King says:

    I admit, I long for the days when MTV (or VH1) played videos! And since there’s no good radio near me (except NPR) I know nothing about the new bands out there. And seeing as my next book is a teen book, I suspect this is something I should remedy!

    By the way, Bertie, did it ever occur to you you’re watching too much television? Or if you HAVE to (and certainly, obsessions must be fed) you might try PBS, or even BBC America (I do believe you’re in America now, right?) See what you think of Jane Austen serials!


  3. Todd says:

    Thee muzishans Eminem and N Sync are a byproduct of the Fonetic Spelling moovment. This waz an organizashun dedicated to the idea that wordz shood be spelld thee way thay sownd, so that everybuddy kan understand everybuddy elss, and that spelling wood not haff to be tawt in skools anymor. Thee aktyual result, of korss, iz that nobuddy can understand anybuddy elss, but that iz a small pryss tu pay for artisstik freedum.


  4. Amanda says:

    Suspiciously well done for a non-believer, Tawd…

    Cara, isn’t radio just awful these days? I listen to online to WMVY a station out of Martha’s Vineyard because the local stations here are less than amusing. Thank goodness for NPR…it makes life in a small town bearable…

  5. Cara King says:

    Online radio? I need to look into that! (I seem to do everything else online nowadays, so why not that?)

    Oh, and, Bertie? If you think spending $80 for obsession is bad, how about spending it for “aire” or “alien”??? Or how about “diesel”, “gendarme” or “iceberg”??? On the other hand, $80 for “allure” or “America” or “Joy” sounds like a bargain!


  6. Rob says:

    Bertie – The cost of Obsession (and similar products) has a high price currently for a very good reason.

    One of the chief ingredients of Obsession is whale barf (oh – pardon my lack of sensibility – whale “gastric distress residue”), and that is a lot more difficult to find now that we can’t catch the whales and induce them into gastric distress. We now have to wait for the “residue” to wash on shore, then start making Obsession.

    An important question is, why whale gastric distress residue? The proper answer is, that’s why they call it Obsession.


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