Greetings, friendly Twenty-First Century Populace! It is I, Beautiful Bertie, once again.

Today I went to the Maul. There, I was Mauled. I believe you describe this as Truth in Advertising.

In the Maul, I saw a Shop entitled the ‘Hello, Kitty’ Shop.

I once knew a Cat. It never said hello to me.

I once said hello to it, and it bit my nose.

I have no idea why someone would wish to buy such a Kitty. Might someone explain?

Your servant, as ever,

Bertram St. James, Exquisite