AUSTEN TREK: Once Upon a Rec Room

Or, if Jane Austen wrote Star Trek…

Hidden in the Federation Archives is this never-before-seen account of Yeoman Rand’s first days on the Enterprise:

Every stardate now brought its regular duties;–Captain Kirk’s orders were to be recorded; some new part of the ship to be discovered; and the Bridge to be attended, where officers spent hours staring at whirling lights and, on occasion, falling out of their chairs.

Yeoman Rand, however, knew no one and, consequently, spoke to no one, and no one spoke to her. The wish of a numerous acquaintance on the ship was uppermost on her mind, and her heart wished it anew after every fresh proof, which every stardate brought, of her knowing nobody at all.

She made her appearance in the Rec Room; and here fortune was more favourable to our heroine. Captain Kirk, the only inhabitant of the ship with whom she had as yet exchanged more than half-a-dozen words, was present; he, with infinite condescension, engaged her in conversation.

The captain seemed to be about four or five and thirty, was of middling height, had a pleasing countenace, a very intelligent and lively eye, and, if not quite handsome, was very near it. He talked with fluency and spirit–and there was an archness and pleasantry in his manner which interested, though it was hardly understood by her–or, if truth be told, by himself.

Forming his features into a set smile, and affectedly softening his voice, he said, with a simpering air, “Have you been long on the Enterprise, Yeoman?”

“About a week, sir,” replied Rand, trying not to laugh.

“Really!” with affected astonishment.

“Why should you be surprized, Captain?”

“Why, indeed!” said he, in his natural tone. “Were you never here before, Yeoman?”

“Never, sir.”

“Indeed! Have you yet honoured the Sick Bay?”

“Yes, sir, I was there last Monday.”

“Have you climbed in a Jeffries tube?”

“Yes, sir, I was in a Jeffries tube on Tuesday.”

“In engineering?”

“Yes, sir, on Wednesday.”

“And are you altogether pleased with the ship?”

“Yes–I like it very well.”

“Now I must give one smirk, and then we may be rational again.”

Rand turned away her head, not knowing whether she might venture to laugh.

“I see what you must think of me,” said he gravely– “I shall make but a poor figure in your log tomorrow.”

“My log!”

“Yes, I know exactly what you will say: Friday, went to the Rec Room; wore my red dress with the three-inch skirt–long black boots–appeared to much advantage, particularly in the gap between the aforesaid items; but was strangely harassed by a queer, half-witted man, who would make me talk with him, and distressed me by noticing my legs.”

“Indeed I shall say no such thing. I had much rather you notice my legs now, on the ship, than wait until we are on a planet, when there are certain to be bizarre blue growths on them.”

And don’t forget — on the first Tuesday of November, we’ll be discussing the Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle Pride and Prejudice!

Cara
Cara King, who would far rather climb in a Jeffries Tube than wear a miniskirt

About Elena Greene

Elena Greene grew up reading anything she could lay her hands on, including her mother's Georgette Heyer novels. She also enjoyed writing but decided to pursue a more practical career in software engineering. Fate intervened when she was sent on a three year international assignment to England, where she was inspired to start writing romances set in the Regency. Her books have won the National Readers' Choice Award, the Desert Rose Golden Quill and the Colorado Romance Writers' Award of Excellence. Her Super Regency, LADY DEARING'S MASQUERADE, won RT Book Club's award for Best Regency Romance of 2005 and made the Kindle Top 100 list in 2011. When not writing, Elena enjoys swimming, cooking, meditation, playing the piano, volunteer work and craft projects. She lives in upstate New York with her two daughters and more yarn, wire and beads than she would like to admit.
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Janet Mullany
14 years ago

Cara, you have a strange and wonderful mind!

janegeorge
14 years ago

Hi Cara,

I’m home sick today, and your strange blue growths in the morning have cheered me right up!

Very agreeable.

Megan Frampton
14 years ago

I could never write this kind of mash-up–kudos, Cara!

Cara King
14 years ago

Thanks for the kind words, Janet and Megan! And Jane — sorry you’re sick, but so glad I could cheer you up at all… (Hope you feel better soon!)

Cara

Keira Soleore
14 years ago

Cara, I’m with you on the Jeffries Tube. You wouldn’t catch me dead in a mini skirt. I might cause a ton of swooning if I swaned about in a three-inch (eye-roll) handkerchief.

BTW, that basket-weave hair-do is pretty cool!!

Jessica
14 years ago

hahahaha! I have some friends who need to see this!

Cara King
14 years ago

I have some friends who need to see this!

Glad you enjoyed it, Jessica! BTW, if you’re interested, you can click on the link “austen trek” at the bottom of the post, and that will give you all my previous installments of Austen Trek. (Most of which are better than this one, I think!)

Cara

Jessica
14 years ago

Cara, I emailed this to my girls! Now I need to read the rest!

doglady
14 years ago

Another FABO episode Cara!! I have told my BFf she HAS to hop over here and read the entire saga. And honey I would rather kiss a Klingon in a Jeffries tube than wear a mini skirt!!

Santa
14 years ago

Cara – you are a genius! And doglady, kissing a Klingon who looks like Worf would seal the deal for me as well!

Keira Soleore
14 years ago

Cara, Todd, and dear Bertie: How are you guys doing with SoCal up in flames? I hope you’re safe as is your property.

Cara King
14 years ago

Cara, Todd, and dear Bertie: How are you guys doing with SoCal up in flames?

We’re all doing fine, Keira, thanks! The three of us are very citified folks (blame Bertie, who likes going out on the town, but doesn’t know how to drive) and so we don’t live near any hills or forests or anything else that might go up in a wildfire.

The sky was rather orange today, though…

Cara

Todd
14 years ago

Inspired by Star Trek, I have been waiting much of my life for that future to arrive in which all the women dress in miniskirts. Eventually I reached the conclusion that that future has come and gone–it was called “The Sixties.”

So the miniskirts may be a lost cause…but perhaps I can still convince Cara to try the beehive hairdo…

Todd-who-was-born-either-too-late-or-too-early-but-he-isn’t-sure-which

Lois
14 years ago

That was so cool!! ๐Ÿ™‚ Mini-skirts, me, ah, no. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Lois

Todd
14 years ago

Keira wrote:

Cara, Todd, and dear Bertie: How are you guys doing with SoCal up in flames? I hope you’re safe as is your property.

Thanks for your concern, Keira! We’re all fine; the flames are not very close to where we live. There have been fires in the past that were a lot closer to here, but we’re not really in the path of danger; if we go up, so does have the city. (Which is not a happy thought, now that I come to think it.)

Todd-who-now-has-something-else-to-worry-about

Keira Soleore
14 years ago

Glad to know that you three are just dandy, well, that is, one dandy and two very fine, er refined folk.

Cara King
14 years ago

LOL, Keira!

Cara

Elena Greene
14 years ago

Cara, loved this as I did the others. I don’t know that it’s not as good–I need to install a spewed-coffee-meter on my keyboard to figure out exactly how funny each one is. I recommend them all!

And I would never wear a miniskirt but would definitely kiss Worf. What a sexy voice the man has, too!