Welcome to the Riskies, Cupid.
Thanks. Make it quick, girlie. It’s a big day for me.
Okay. First, I–
And enough of the pink, okay?
Sorry. Is this better?
[Cupid grunts and retrieves a packet of Camels from his quiver. He lights up.]
So? It’s a stressful job, let me tell you. And, hey, what’s it going to do to me? I’m an immortal. You should see their faces in the convenience store when they ask for ID.
Don’t you think that also might have something to do with you being naked? Okay. So how was your job during the Regency?
The Regency wasn’t bad, all things considered. Not too much whalebone, and no steel–that was tough, dealing with Victorian corsets. You wouldn’t believe the number of arrows I ruined. I had some fun, though, making people fall in love with unsuitable partners. Prinny was a real sucker and talk about a target you couldn’t miss… That Byron, he was a real babe magnet–didn’t really need my help but I shot Lady Caroline Lamb for him so he didn’t get too full of himself. And now and again I’d get a duke to fall in love with his cook, and that was always good for a laugh.
Is that what you enjoy about your job? Making trouble?
Basically, yes. Otherwise it gets pretty boring.
Have you ever considered a career change?
It’s difficult for a deity; you do what you do. I wouldn’t mind something where I got some action myself–I wouldn’t mind becoming a shower of gold or a bull, if I had to–but you get tired of hovering around boudoirs with your arrow ready to fly off the string, if you know what I mean–
I’ll have to cut you off there since we’re not that sort of blog. How has the job changed over the past two centuries?
Hmm. Well, no one thinks in terms of unsuitable matches much, which takes a lot of the challenge out of the job. I’ve had some arrow losses with underwire bras, but nothing to complain of particularly. Hold on, that’s my cell. [Cupid retrieves a cell phone from his quiver] I’ve gotta take this. It’s my agent….[after a brief conversation he clicks the phone shut] Sorry babe, gotta go. I’ve got a chance at a chocolates commercial. It’s been great. See ya.
[exits in a flutter of wings and cloud of cigarette smoke]
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone. Tell us what you’re doing to celebrate!