The Rime of the Vulcan Mariner


Or, if Coleridge wrote Star Trek…

It is a space-age mariner,
And he stoppeth one of three.
“By thy verdant skin and too-sharp ears,
Now wherefore stopp’st thou me?

The star bar’s doors are opened wide,
And I’m expected in;
My skirt is small, my hair is tall,
And Kirk will buy me gin.”

He holds her with his skinny hand,
“The Enterprise–” quoth he.
“Hold off! unhand me, blue-shirt loon!”
But Spock cannot agree.

He holds her with his mental meld–
The busty babe stood still,
And listens like a three years’ child:
The Vulcan hath her will.

With Captain Kirk forgotten now,
She listens full of fear;
And thus spake on with logic cool,
The man with pointy ear.

“The ship was cleared, no Klingon feared,
Steadily did we warp
Beyond the Earth, beyond the moon,
Beyond Tau Ceti Four.

“A temporal anomaly
Is quite a sight to see!
It shines so bright, that time’s not right
And muons all go free.”

to be continued…if the yay votes outnumber the nay…

Cara King, author of My Lady Gamester (which would have been the first ever Regency Romance Epic Poem had the copyeditor only gone on vacation when she promised she would)

About Elena Greene

Elena Greene grew up reading anything she could lay her hands on, including her mother's Georgette Heyer novels. She also enjoyed writing but decided to pursue a more practical career in software engineering. Fate intervened when she was sent on a three year international assignment to England, where she was inspired to start writing romances set in the Regency. Her books have won the National Readers' Choice Award, the Desert Rose Golden Quill and the Colorado Romance Writers' Award of Excellence. Her Super Regency, LADY DEARING'S MASQUERADE, won RT Book Club's award for Best Regency Romance of 2005 and made the Kindle Top 100 list in 2011. When not writing, Elena enjoys swimming, cooking, meditation, playing the piano, volunteer work and craft projects. She lives in upstate New York with her two daughters and more yarn, wire and beads than she would like to admit.
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14 years ago

I love this! How about:

“The Kirk has paced into the bar,
Yellow his tunic’s sheen;
Quaffing a glass of Scotty’s best–
I know not–but it’s green!

The Yeoman fair, she tore her hair,
Yet she cannot choose but hear;
And thus spake on that alien man,
The man with pointy ear.”


Deb Marlowe
14 years ago

bwah ha ha ha!

Love it!

But a space albatross! I can’t wait to see how you manage that!

14 years ago

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!

14 years ago

Cool!!!! πŸ™‚ A great big yay over here!!! πŸ™‚


Janet Mullany
14 years ago

Love this Cara, particularly the second stanza, but I still think you have a peculiar mind.

14 years ago

Brightened my afternoon, so I say Yay.

I haven’t been around here lately because we almost lost one of our small orphan kitties. But thanks to the vets Mr. Darcy is on the mend. He just needs to grow and catch up to his sister now. They just turned five weeks so things should get easier from here.

Cara, how are your fabulous felines? Did they help with your epic poem?

Cara King
14 years ago

I’m so glad your kitty pulled through, Jane George!!!!

My kitties are okay. The little red boy still has had a cold ever since we got him, and for a day or two he was clearly feeling pretty bad (clingy, whining, had trouble breathing, didn’t want to play with his sister, so we had to keep her from bugging him just when she wanted most to wrestle) but he seems to be getting better now — he happily plays with her, even all that mock killing stuff that little kittens love. (Though we do still have to give him oral antibiotics and eye drops — he HATES the eye drops!)

And my kitties helped me write my epic by saying “no, pet me, pet me!” and “her hands are moving, the mouse is moving — attack!”


14 years ago

Yeah, those feline upper respiratory problems are awful. Glad to hear he’s getting better and learning to write with modern technology.

Diane Gaston
14 years ago

Cara, I’m in awe of your cleverness!!

Elena Greene
14 years ago

LOL! The madness seems to be catching. But far be it from me to call for the men and their white coats. Normal is so over-rated. πŸ™‚

14 years ago

Cara, absolutely brilliant, as usual! Love it and PLEASE finish it! My Trekkie friends would love this!

JaneGeorge, so glad to hear Mr. Darcy is feeling better. It is so frightening when they get sick at that tender age. My Pooh was a sickly child, born deaf with all sorts of issues. He is now a strapping 23 pound tom cat (neutered of course.)

Georgie Lee
14 years ago

I vote to continue. I love your parodies.

14 years ago

Thanks, Louisa!
Darcy’s showing all signs he’ll make it to grow up to be strapping like Pooh.

Keira Soleore
14 years ago

How cute this is!! Cara, you continue to astound me. Why, O Why don’t The Editors awaken to this fiction niche?

Keira Soleore
14 years ago

((Todd)), I’m breathless with laughter here. “Yeoman Fair” and “She tore her hair.” The Romantic Poets are rolling in their graves (or what’s left of their bones are rattling around underground).

14 years ago

Keira wrote:

((Todd)), I’m breathless with laughter here. “Yeoman Fair” and “She tore her hair.” The Romantic Poets are rolling in their graves (or what’s left of their bones are rattling around underground).

Hmm. Is it that much worse that “The Wedding-Guest he beat his breast?” πŸ™‚


14 years ago

Yay! Yay! I say say yay! How many times can I vote?

Cara King
14 years ago

Yay! Yay! I say say yay! How many times can I vote?

As many as you like, Diana! πŸ™‚ I’m so pleased you like it.

I will definitely write more of the Vulcan Mariner…hopefully soon!