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Author Archives: Janet Mullany

I’m not a great fan of new year’s resolutions because I think they’re asking for trouble and disappointment, but there are some things I’d like to accomplish this year (in addition to the big fat sales).

One is to go and see this exhibit, Marketing Shakespeare, at the Folger Shakespeare Library. The exhibit opened in September. It ends on Saturday so unless I can scoot off from work early tomorrow, I must go Saturday morning. The exhibit is of Shakespeare-inspired artwork from the fashionable Boydell Gallery (1789-1805), plus tchotchkes and Shakespeare souvenirs. The illustration below, courtesy of the Folger, is a colored engraving of As You Like It from 1800. One of my resolutions, were I to use the term which I’m not, is to go to more stuff–I live near Washington DC where we have all sorts of amazing free museums and exhibits, yet the amazing thing is I hardly ever go to any of them. I’m not alone–living here, you take it for granted that the museums will always be there, and if you miss an exhibit, you’ll be able to catch something equally good the next week, or month.

But this is also tied into my other resolution, which is to put the joy back in writing. I tried Julia Cameron’s The Artists Way technique–I even have the books somewhere–but anything which requires me having to get up early is doomed. One task she suggested, of which I approve highly, is to take yourself out on cultural expeditions, and that’s something I plan to do much more. And if it has some weird side benefit of cranking up my writing and enjoyment level thereof, well, I’m not complaining.

And what else for 2008? Well, obviously, much less of this sort of thing (yum). But I’d rather concentrate on the positive–on giving and enjoying rather than denying. And hopefully writing will be one of the activities I’ll enjoy. I must say I like it well enough once I’ve got going, but getting going is the problem. One technique I use is to absolutely ignore word/page count and just write; you can always format later. There’s something very seductive about the getting ready to fix starting to prepare to …[insert your favorite procrastinatory phrase]… write; no wonder so many people claim they’ve always wanted to write a book, happy in the knowledge that they probably never will.

What are your new year’s resolutions (if any?)–or whatever you want to call them?

Get a generous quota of calorie-free whipped cream every month via the Riskies newsletter; send an email with NEWSLETTER in the header to riskies@yahoo.com. All contests all the time–enter to win a signed copy of Jane Lockwood’s Forbidden Shores in a contest sponsored by Pam Rosenthal ; and read an alternate ending to The Rules of Gentility and enter to win a prize at janetmullany.com.

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That was the header of a piece of spam I received recently that struck my fancy because I think it pretty much sums up what happens when you read a good book.

And here’s picture/map that I think is so charming I decided to post it, although know nothing about it; I don’t know the artist or title–I’d guess it’s eighteenth or nineteenth century. It’s so clever! I’ve been wanting to share it ever since I first found it. Do any of our learned and esteemed visitors and friends know any more about it?

Other than the random nature of this post, I wanted to talk about my 2007, which has been a real learning experience, both good and bad. Here are some of my highlights, although some of them are things I’ve known for years but thought you’d like to know:

  • Running out of tea is a state of national emergency.
  • You really don’t need to clean your bathroom more than once every six months but it’s easier if you do it more often.
  • TV is for folding laundry.
  • It’s possible for a publisher to contract a book as one subgenre and market it as another and not tell the author.
  • Google is for other things than looking up your own name.
  • If you buy a case of toilet paper and live in a small house, after a while you get used to the box in the living room.
  • If you squeeze a couple of pages out every day it amounts to more than if you don’t.
  • When a cat sleeps on your bed with you, s/he expands to about a yard wide and 200 degrees.
  • No one ever wants the last cookie, so go for it. You’re doing them a favor.
  • No one ever wants to eat sardines or beets, but they don’t want you to eat them either.
  • You should always carry reading material.
  • Make sure you have sufficient dust bunnies, books, and old newspapers under the bed for any contingency.
  • If you or the man in your life buys navy blue socks in bulk they will never match once they’re worn and washed.
  • If you can’t avoid visitors, plug in the vacuum cleaner and leave it ostentatiously in the middle of the room. They will actually believe you are halfway through cleaning. (Of course, if you can’t find the vacuum cleaner you’re out of luck.)
  • If there is a cold going around at work, avoid any bowls of candy on your colleagues’ desks.

Read well and respond urgently–share your pearls of wisdom with us!

Receive a great honking pearl of wisdom every month with the Riskies newsletter: sign up by sending an email with NEWSLETTER in the header to riskies@yahoo.com. And while we’re in the small, eye-catching italic section, check out what Pam Rosenthal is giving away in her contest; and read an alternate ending to The Rules of Gentility and enter to win a prize at janetmullany.com.

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I’m a steady reader since I have a commute by metro to work and also need to read before I can fall asleep at night, so it was hard to pick only a few books I enjoyed this year. I blogged on Mary Shelley’s birthday about Passion by Jude Morgan, and I can’t wait to read his next one, Symphony, about the love affair between Berlioz and Harriet Smithson (hint to nearest and dearest–it’s on my Amazon wishlist). I also loved The Lost Memoirs of Jane Austen by Syrie James whom the Riskies interviewed earlier this month.

OK, first, let’s get the literary crack out of the way. Read this hilarious spoof by the Smart Bitches and you’ll know what I mean–I find JR Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series immensely entertaining, embarrassingly addictive, and I just about still respect myself in the morning. I can give them up any time I wahnt (a joke, not a typo). Same with Anne Stuart’s Ice books, where–what’s not to love–phenomenally good looking male operatives are trained to be so good at sex that they can make women do anything. And they do. Terrific escapist fun, both series.

My friend Robin L. Rotham published her first book Alien Overnight this year–it’s funny, sexy, and very well-written and has a hilariously over the top cover. Carry a big stick, har har. How’s this for a killer opening sentence: “Notice the slight emergence of the male’s accessory sexual organ, or what the Garathani refer to as a breeding spur.”

Well, what can I say. I’m in love with another species myself. I pooh-poohed the idea of dragons in the Napoleonic wars when Megan blogged about them last year, but I read all four of Naomi Novik’s fabulous Temeraire books in less than two weeks. I take it all back. These are a brilliant blend of fact with fantasy, and I’m absolutely in love with both Temeraire the dragon (whose neck fringes are infinitely better than Gerard Butler’s and everything is much much bigger) and the wonderful, gentlemanly Captain Laurence.

I also enjoyed new books by two favorites–Making Money by Terry Pratchett (check out the macroeconomic model in the basement of the bank) and Jasper Fforde’s Thursday Next–First Among Sequels. If you don’t know these two writers you’re in for a treat; Pratchett writes (sort of) satirical sci-fi; Fforde writes about an investigator for the Department of Jurisfiction in an alternative literary England. I’d suggest trying to read them in order, although Pratchett has a huge amount of books in print.

I was also thrilled that Jennifer Crusie and Bob Meyer’s second collaboration, Agnes and the Hitman, was right on the money; great, funny stuff, although I still can’t get used to the idea of Jennifer Crusie writing about the mafia. Maybe Bob wrote those bits. You really can’t tell, with such a seamless collaboration.

I discovered a new author, Fiona Neill, whose book Slummy Mummy is about that most hideous phenomenon, London yuppies in reproductive mode. As well as the obvious jokes involving high-powered women putting their formidable talents into child-rearing, this book had a lot of heart and wisdom. I recommend it highly.

I finally got around to a 2006 release, Mozart’s Women, about the women he loved and the music he wrote for them, and I desperately want the gown Nannerle his sister is wearing on the cover. Also in nonfiction, London in the Nineteenth Century by Jerry White, which was excellent, although disappointing in only very brief mentions of servants and the black population. I don’t think it’s available yet in the US.

And finally, The Elements of Internet Style for anyone who’s interested in literacy, books, the web, and where everything online and in print seems to be going. It’s entertaining and smart, and I wrote a section of it.

Have you read any of these? What’s on your wishlist?

All contests all the time. Check out what Pam Rosenthal is giving away in her contest; read an alternate ending to The Rules of Gentility and enter to win a prize at janetmullany.com.


You heard it here. Mansfield Park is the Austen equivalent of big girl panties.


I chose Mansfield Park because I was afraid no one else would want it, and I was interested in seeing what I thought of the book decades after my last attempt at reading it. Briefly, it is the story of Fanny Price, who is raised by her wealthy relatives the Bertrams in their luxurious home Mansfield Park (thought to be based on Cottesbrooke Hall), where [i]f tenderness could ever be supposed wanting, good sense and good breeding supplied its place.

I read the Oxford University Press edition–not my first choice but the local library didn’t have a copy and I couldn’t find my collected Austen. No helpful notes or introduction, and so I was left to my own interpretation. First, I had trouble figuring out what is the book really about–it’s unlike Austen’s other works in that it covers so much ground and so many themes, and the point of view shifts frequently; I believe it’s the only one of the novels that uses multiple points of view. It’s the only one of the novels that is concerned in a major way with fashionable mores of the ton and has more titled characters, at least mentioned in passing, than you can shake a stick at.

Is it a comedy? Sort of. Mrs. Norris, the only truly funny character, isn’t that funny after a time as you realize how mean-spirited she is and as you see her fall out of favor with the powerful Sir Thomas Bertram. There’s also the stagestruck Mr. Yates who really really likes his blue dress (no, not that sort of dress) and pink satin cloak.

Is it a love story? Sort of. Edmund and Fanny slide into marriage–and the one thing I do remember from earlier readings is that these two are well matched in vapidity and longwindedness. The moral of the book?–that if you wait, all things will come to you?–Fanny must have a horse, a fire in her room, and ultimately a husband (the cousin marrying thing was not nearly as icky as you might think). That virtue is rewarded, certainly; Miss Prism (The Importance of Being Earnest), whose definition of fiction was that the good end happily and the bad unhappily, probably enjoyed Mansfield Park.

Fanny develops from the poor, sickly relative into an attractive and well read young woman, although shy and given to longwinded rhapsodies on the beauties of nature etc. (this is a book of voluble characters. Edmund, bless him, goes on for pages and pages). She and her Bertram cousins are befriended by the worldly and ambitious brother and sister Henry and Mary Crawford, and Henry becomes involved with both of Fanny’s female cousins, playing them off against each other, even though one of them is engaged. And Fanny finds herself befriending Mary, even though she isn’t really sure she likes her or approves of her, and feels pretty much the same way about Henry.

One of the early crises of the book–ending with a splendid cliffhanger at the end of Volume I–is the amateur staging of a very naughty play, Lovers’ Vows. Fanny refuses to take part; poor Edmund, in a crisis of conscience, decides it is his moral duty to take a part in the play. (I think, but I’m not sure, that you are meant to laugh here.) Much later you find out that Edmund very much enjoyed rehearsing with the fascinating Miss Crawford, with whom he’s fallen in love, even though he suspects her moral code does not match up to his. And, yes, she really does say “What gentleman among you am I to have the pleasure of making love to?”

And then Henry Crawford tells his sister that his next challenge is to make Fanny fall in love with him.

Yikes.

Is Austen writing her version of Les Liaisons Dangereuses? Certainly Crawford, short, dark, flirty, and keen on farming as well as women, is no Valmont. Henry arranges for a promotion for Fanny’s midshipman brother and even wrenches good behavior out of her uncouth family in Portsmouth. But Fanny holds firm–she won’t marry a man she doesn’t love, however persuasive he, his sister, and her own relatives are in gently blackmailing her to accept him, even if Henry does seem to be genuinely in love with her. Her instincts prove to be right.

Mansfield Park is possibly Austen’s sexiest book, and I think this may be one reason–other than the yawn-inducing Fanny and Edmund–why it’s her least favorite. I suspect it may be beyond many readers’ comfort zones–it doesn’t sound like dear Jane. There’s a tremendously strong physical awareness between her characters:

… she gradually slackened in the needle-work, which, at the beginning, seemed to occupy her totally; how it fell from her hand while she sat motionless over it—and at last, how the eyes which had appeared so studiously to avoid him throughout the day, were turned and fixed on Crawford, fixed on him for minutes, fixed on him in short till the attraction drew Crawford’s upon her, and the book was closed, and the charm was broken.

And the most blatant expression of physical desire of all of Austen’s books:

…Maria, still feeling her hand pressed to Henry Crawford’s heart, and caring little for anything else.

The characters are equally conscious of their physical presence indoors and outside. The book is full of references to space, horizons, the landscape improvements of Repton and others that open up vistas; and their movements around the house are like stage entrances and exits. There’s an extraordinary scene, elaborately choreographed, involving a locked gate, when the Bertrams, Fanny, and the Crawfords visit the estate of Miss Bertram’s fiance. When Fanny visits her family in Portsmouth you almost expect her to whip out a tape measure, so shocked is she by the humble dimensions of the rooms.

Enough from me. Have you read Mansfield Park? If not, why not? If you have, what do you think of it?

This is very belatedly in a response to a question someone asked when I or Jane Lockwood was guest blogging (and before I forget, you can enter Pam Rosenthal’s contest to win a copy of Jane’s book Forbidden Shores–the dirty one with the bodiceripper cover). The question was, who would I invite to dinner if I could have anyone from any time?

Great question, and it opens up all sorts of possibilities. As far as real people go, I’d like to invite Brummell, Byron, and Jane Austen, and watch her have fun with them both, possibly aided and abetted by Harriet Wilson. I think I’d serve shish kebabs… definitely something on skewers, to be followed by raspberries.

If you open it up to fictional characters, you could have a lot of fun mixing and matching characters–the Miss Dashwoods meet Toad of Toad Hall, for instance. The Bennett sisters enjoy rat pie and chips with the Watch of Ank-Morporkh, while one of Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler’s sausages has a profound effect (but not the usual one) on Proust. Sir Walter Elliot and Mr. Micawber dine (on food bought on credit, cooked and served by servants who haven’t been paid in months) and discuss matters of economy.

What do you think? Who would you invite to your literary (or otherwise) feast, and what sort of food and drink would you serve? Which characters would you like to mix and match for a dinner party?

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