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Megan’s not missing, but I needed the alliteration. She’s merely stuck in New Jersey and unable to blog today. So I thought it would be a good idea to go to a movie.

Like PS I Love You (I can’t believe that a Gerard Butler movie has been out for one week and I haven’t seen it yet. )

Or Sweeney Todd with the versatile Johnny Depp (Is there nothing Depp cannot do?)

Or Keira Knightly and dreamy James McAvoy in Atonement

Or Juno or Enchantment or National Treasure or The Golden Compass or….several more. This is a great week for movies. Have you seen any of these yet? (I haven’t seen a one, but I might get to PS I Love You tomorrow!)

If you could go to the movies tonight, which movie would you see?

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That was the header of a piece of spam I received recently that struck my fancy because I think it pretty much sums up what happens when you read a good book.

And here’s picture/map that I think is so charming I decided to post it, although know nothing about it; I don’t know the artist or title–I’d guess it’s eighteenth or nineteenth century. It’s so clever! I’ve been wanting to share it ever since I first found it. Do any of our learned and esteemed visitors and friends know any more about it?

Other than the random nature of this post, I wanted to talk about my 2007, which has been a real learning experience, both good and bad. Here are some of my highlights, although some of them are things I’ve known for years but thought you’d like to know:

  • Running out of tea is a state of national emergency.
  • You really don’t need to clean your bathroom more than once every six months but it’s easier if you do it more often.
  • TV is for folding laundry.
  • It’s possible for a publisher to contract a book as one subgenre and market it as another and not tell the author.
  • Google is for other things than looking up your own name.
  • If you buy a case of toilet paper and live in a small house, after a while you get used to the box in the living room.
  • If you squeeze a couple of pages out every day it amounts to more than if you don’t.
  • When a cat sleeps on your bed with you, s/he expands to about a yard wide and 200 degrees.
  • No one ever wants the last cookie, so go for it. You’re doing them a favor.
  • No one ever wants to eat sardines or beets, but they don’t want you to eat them either.
  • You should always carry reading material.
  • Make sure you have sufficient dust bunnies, books, and old newspapers under the bed for any contingency.
  • If you or the man in your life buys navy blue socks in bulk they will never match once they’re worn and washed.
  • If you can’t avoid visitors, plug in the vacuum cleaner and leave it ostentatiously in the middle of the room. They will actually believe you are halfway through cleaning. (Of course, if you can’t find the vacuum cleaner you’re out of luck.)
  • If there is a cold going around at work, avoid any bowls of candy on your colleagues’ desks.

Read well and respond urgently–share your pearls of wisdom with us!

Receive a great honking pearl of wisdom every month with the Riskies newsletter: sign up by sending an email with NEWSLETTER in the header to riskies@yahoo.com. And while we’re in the small, eye-catching italic section, check out what Pam Rosenthal is giving away in her contest; and read an alternate ending to The Rules of Gentility and enter to win a prize at janetmullany.com.

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Happy Boxing Day!

Of course, I’d heard about Boxing Day before but since I never needed it for a story, I had only a vague idea that it had to do with giving presents. In boxes, of course. So exactly what is Boxing Day and what are the associated traditions? I googled and found a delightful explanation on the website of the Woodlands Junior School in Tonbridge, Kent. Boxing Day is a time of charity. During the Regency, people would give gifts to their servants and to the poor. According to the website, an “‘Alms Box’ was placed in every church on Christmas Day, into which worshippers placed a gift for the poor of the parish. These boxes were always opened the day after Christmas, which is why that day became know as Boxing Day.”

Other traditional Boxing Day activities include fox hunting, indoor games or appropriate wintry outdoor pursuits. There is also a custom of hunting the wren, a bird one was not allowed to hunt any other day (though why one would wish to hunt wrens is beyond me).

Today, I will not be foxhunting, nor ice skating, nor hunting wrens. Instead, I’ll be on a family outing organized by my parents to see a dinner theatre performance of “White Christmas”. The group will include all 5 grandchildren ranging in ages from 5 to 11. I don’t know if my parents know what they are letting themselves in for! My own children are among the older ones and they will behave (or risk, as Dumbledore put it, “a very painful death”). But as for the others–all bets are off. Plan A: pretend we don’t know them. Plan B: drink heavily.

So what are you doing to celebrate Boxing Day?

If you are looking for something to do, why not send a postcard to the Woodlands Junior School? (Here’s the address.)

Elena
www.elenagreene.com

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Merry Christmas, to those of you who celebrate Christmas! And happy 25th of December to everyone else!

For quite a few years now, I have included a satirical “faux holiday letter” in my holiday cards — and as this year I have the honor of writing the Risky Regencies Christmas post, I thought that instead of sharing a lovely informative bit on Christmas in the Regency, or anything useful like that, I would post my silly letter instead. So here it is! Proof of just how weird I am…

CARA’S ANNUAL HOLIDAY LETTER IN WHICH SHE EXTOLS THE SUPERIORITY OF HER STUFFED CAT AND TELLS YOU ALL ABOUT PEOPLE YOU’VE NEVER MET BUT WHO ARE OBVIOUSLY WAY COOLER AND WAY SPIFFIER THAN ANYONE ON EARTH EXCEPT MAYBE CARA’S STUFFED CAT

Hello, O Fortunate Recipient of this yearly literary gem! Here is an abstract of all the clever things I did this year; the actual paper has been submitted to Phys Rev Letters and will be peer-reviewed as soon as they locate someone who will admit to being my peer.

JANUARY: I attend the annual Jane Austen Ball. The pleated hem of my Regency gown is so brilliant that it finds a solution to global warming. Unfortunately, someone steps on my hem while dancing Mr Beveridge’s Maggot, and the solution hits a snag.

FEBRUARY: I appear as Paulina in Caltech’s production of THE WINTER’S TALE. My wig is massive enough to nearly start a nuclear implosion. Todd’s wig, however, actually does implode, creating a quantum black hole. This quantum black hole travels back through time, turning things that should be benign into hugely destructive forces (e.g. squirrels, computer solitaire, and SUV drivers who tailgate while talking on cell phones and eating pastrami.)

MARCH: As the hottest new trend involves combining two different
popular genres (e.g. the recent television hits “CSI: Shakespeare” and
“Superman vs. the Sopranos”), I write several installments of “Austen Trek: or, if Jane Austen Wrote Star Trek” for my blog. My blogmates all pretend to enjoy these (their ecstatic compliments range from “that’s really just…bizarre” to “who’s Yeoman Rand?”), but Jane Austen threatens to sue.

APRIL: I pretend to work on my new young adult novel.

MAY: Having lived in our condo for almost five years, Todd and I decide to finally put our posters up. Exhausted by our bout of decision-making, we put off the actual putting-up for another five years.

JUNE: Todd and I visit Nice, but not before 2,306,973 people tell me that they hear it’s very nice there.

JULY: The new Harry Potter book is released, making Britain the world’s second-greatest economic power, right behind Walmart.

AUGUST: Todd becomes Associate Chair of his department. This takes up huge amounts of his time which might otherwise be used for important things like watching DVDs from Netflix and writing witty comments on my blog.

SEPTEMBER: We receive our millionth charity solicitation and billionth offer to refinance; we have now papier-mâchéd an additional room onto our condo, which would look perfect except that it really needs some posters on the walls.

OCTOBER: I attend what may be the last ever Genesis concert at the 18,000-seat Hollywood Bowl, which is followed by an exodus of incredible numbers of people trying to trample the Kings (and Rubins and a Brun), which leads to a few lamentations on our part. Crowd control at the Bowl must be an incredible job, but whoever judges that it’s okay for us to get mobbed like that is pretty ruthless, if you ask me.

NOVEMBER: Todd and I see Ian McKellen play King Lear. My favorite part is when Lear disinherits his annoying youngest child, Pippin, in favor of Frodo and Merry, but Todd’s favorite part is when Edgar pretends to be a mad creature named Gollum who wears nothing but a loincloth and a lot of dirt.

DECEMBER: Someone informs me that just because WGA writers are on strike doesn’t mean that there’s any reason for me to not write. My explanation of how my brain refuses to cross the picket line having failed, I am now procrastinating by doing important things like writing my holiday letter and talking to my stuffed cat.

There you have it! Until next year, I remain…Cara King.

And it’s absolutely true. I do remain Cara King. (Though come to think of it, I’m not really sure why; it probably has something to do with metaphysics…or maybe kilophysics…)

And don’t forget! Next Tuesday, we’re discussing the 1986 version of NORTHANGER ABBEY!!! So it’ll be a Northanger New Year’s Day!

Cara

Merry Christmas Eve!

I’m a happy little elf. My family are all well and we’re together. My niece and nephew are also in town, so we’ll see them for Christmas dinner at my sister’s house. I don’t have to cook (yay!). I’ll do dishes, but, since I’m convinced in a past life I was a Regency scullery maid in a fine English country house, dishes are no problem at all.

Other nice things….

Cataromance gave The Vanishing Viscountess 4.5 Stars! Here’s part of what the reviewer, the wonderful Debby, said:

“Looking for a book with passion, love, action, danger and surprises? Look no further; The Vanishing Viscountess is perfect for you. Diane Gaston will grab your emotion with this one. “

Oh that feels GOOD!

(here’s the whole review)

In my last-minute Christmas shopping expeditions I’ve visited two bookstores and in both, The Vanishing Viscountess was on the shelf! Over a week early. I turned them out so my hero’s bare chest showed to best advantage.


I also received my author copies of the UK edition of The Vanishing Viscountess. This is a special edition released to celebrate Mills & Boon’s 100th Birthday. Its embossed in gold and is as thick as a Diana Gabaldon book because it contains a free bonus book–The Mysterious Miss M.

You can order the UK version of The Vanishing Viscountess, if you are so inclined, either through Amazon.ca
Or Amazon.co.uk

And my little Christmas gift to you, a poem written by John Clare (1793-1864), an English poet who grew up in extreme rural poverty in Northamptonshire, rising from the working class to write some celebrated poetry, only to fall back into obscurity and madness at the end of his life. In recent years there’s been a renewed interest in his poetry.

I love this poem for its vivid description of an old English country Christmas.
(Warning. It’s long)


Christmas Time by John Clare

Glad Christmas comes, and every hearth
Makes room to give him welcome now,
E’en want will dry its tears in mirth,
And crown him with a holly bough;
Though tramping ‘neath a winter sky,
O’er snowy paths and rimy stiles,
The housewife sets her spinning by
To bid him welcome with her smiles.

Each house is swept the day before,
And windows stuck with evergreens,
The snow is besom’d from the door,
And comfort the crowns the cottage scenes.
Gilt holly, with its thorny pricks,
And yew and box, with berries small,
These deck the unused candlesticks,
And pictures hanging by the wall.

Neighbors resume their annual cheer,
Wishing, with smiles and spirits high,
Glad Christmas and a happy year
To every morning passer-by;
Milkmaids their Christmas journeys go,
Accompanied with favour’d swain;
And children pace the crumpling snow,
To taste their granny’s cake again.

The shepherd, now no more afraid,
Since custom doth the chance bestow,
Starts up to kiss the giggling maid
Beneath the branch of mistletoe
That ‘neath each cottage beam is seen,
With pearl-like berries shining gay;
The shadow still of what hath been,
Which fashion yearly fades away.

The singing waits — a merry throng,
At early morn, with simple skill,
Yet imitate the angel’s song
And chaunt their Christmas ditty still;
And, ‘mid the storm that dies and swells
By fits, in hummings softly steals
The music of the village bells,
Ringing around their merry peals.

When this is past, a merry crew,
Bedecked in masks and ribbons gay,
The Morris Dance, their sports renew,
And act their winter evening play.
The clown turned king, for penny praise,
Storms with the actor’s strut and swell,
And harlequin, a laugh to raise,
Wears his hunch-back and tinkling bell.

And oft for pence and spicy ale,
With winter nosegays pinned before,
The wassail-singer tells her tale,
And drawls her Christmas carols o’er.
While ‘prentice boy, with ruddy face,
And rime-bepowdered dancing locks,
From door to door, with happy face,
Runs round to claim his “Christmas-box.”

The block upon the fire is put,
To sanction custom’s old desires,
And many a fagot’s bands are cut
For the old farmer’s Christmas fires;
Where loud-tongued gladness joins the throng,
And Winter meets the warmth of May,
Till, feeling soon the heat too strong,
He rubs his shins and draws away.

While snows the window-panes bedim,
The fire curls up a sunny charm,
Where, creaming o’er the pitcher’s rim,
The flowering ale is set to warm.
Mirth full of joy as summer bees
Sits there its pleasures to impart,
And children, ‘tween their parents’ knees,
Sing scraps of carols off by heart.

And some, to view the winter weathers,
Climb up the window seat with glee,
Likening the snow to falling feathers,
In fancy’s infant ecstacy;
Laughing, with superstitious love,
O’er visions wild that youth supplies,
Of people pulling geese above,
And keeping Christmas in the skies.

As though the homestead trees were drest,
In lieu of snow, with dancing leaves,
As though the sun-dried martin’s nest,
Instead of ic’cles hung the eves;
The children hail the happy day —
As if the snow were April’s grass,
And pleased, as ‘neath the warmth of May,
Sport o’er the water froze to glass.

Thou day of happy sound and mirth,
That long with childish memory stays,
How blest around the cottage hearth,
I met thee in my younger days,
Harping, with rapture’s dreaming joys,
On presents which thy coming found,
The welcome sight of little toys,
The Christmas gift of cousins round.

About the glowing hearth at night,
The harmless laugh and winter tale
Go round; while parting friends delight
To toast each other o’er their ale.
The cotter oft with quiet zeal
Will, musing, o’er his bible lean;
While, in the dark the lovers steal,
To kiss and toy behind the screen.

Old customs! Oh! I love the sound,
However simple they may be;
Whate’er with time hath sanction found,
Is welcome, and is dear to me,
Pride grows above simplicity,
And spurns them from her haughty mind;
And soon the poet’s song will be
The only refuge they can find.

I feel like I can see these people and I’m sharing their day!

I wish our whole Risky family a happy holiday, filled with the joy, and peace, and love, and hope that is symbolized in this day. You all are a very precious gift to me!

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