Each year, the romance review website All About Romance runs a Purple Prose Parody where readers are invited to submit entries mocking, I mean, paying tribute to their favorite romance authors. I entered this past year, a time travel Regency where Tony Soprano traveled back and ended up in the body of a Regency debutante, all told in the style of Carla Kelly (My favorite part was the title, Mr. Soprano Takes A Trip). High-concept, not always as funny execution.
But it got me to thinking about our books, and how they could be distilled into, say, 17 words or so.
Therefore, without further ado, I present some of my modest Regency haikus, and invite you to add more.
Can We Talk?*
Debutante meets Lord
A big misunderstanding
It will all work out
*contributed by my husband
A Truth Universally Acknowledged
A poor young beauty
Meets a wealthy, handsome duke
Inevitable.
Mea Culpa
I am a writer!
Historically accurate?
Um, no, not so much.
Regency Oxymoron*
A virgin widow
How the hell does that happen?
Incongruity.
*Also my husband’s.
It’s Party Time!
Pelisse, reticule
Invitation to the ball
Say he will be there.
This one is R-rated–put your cursor over the white space to reveal the words.
Accessibility
My regency cock
Yearns to enter her–soft, wet
Yay! No underwear.
Time Of The Season
Spring is here at last!
It’s time to make my debut
Married in the fall.
Regency Buck
Pluck to the backbone
A devil with the ladies
Must be married soon.
This exercise, I must say, is loads of fun to do on the subway. Time for you to post your haikus–And thanks for playing!
Megan
Okay, here are mine!
ALMACK’S
Please, ma’am, let me in!
I adore warm lemonade.
(And meeting rich men.)
PIQUET
According to Hoyle,
a “pique, repique, and capot”
is not possible.
🙂
Cara
A pretty miss
but oh, such a dull gown
No diamond there.
Shining pate and
protuberant belly
But a Marquis!
Fulsome debutante
Flit your fan in my direction
Do not gaze away.
Sir, do not stare
I think you vulgar in the extreme
A second son besides.
Gentlemen
The handsome ones are taken
Or nobody to think of.
Needlework and manners!
I should much rather speak
Of politics and horses.
Laurie
I love these! They are hilarious!
Cara and Laurie:
Yours are awesome! Thanks, I am going to print all of these out and post them somewhere so when I need a laugh, I know where to look.
Oh, I always suspected you were all far more clever than I am, now I know it. 🙂 These are hilarious!
I bow in admiration of Megan, Cara and Laurie! But that doesn’t stop me from making a few humble contributions:
Guns of Waterloo–
Less fearsome than the glint of
Brummel’s quizzing glass.
Regency manners:
Between Georgian crudes and
Victorian prudes.
Excuse me, madam!
Tight pantaloons have cut off
My circulation.
Never look back, friend;
Your neckcloth, I fear, makes that
Unendurable.
Todd-who-has-one-syllable
Todd:
Brilliant! I love the Regency manners one especially.
Aw, shucks, now! Gosh, Ma’am,
You’re going to make me blush,
And dig my toe in.
Todd-who-can-count-to-seventeen
Very funny and ingenious!
Best I could do…
INDISCRETIONS
So rumours are true…
You’re not the lady I thought.
I can’t marry you!
Alyssa