Greetings! I, Bertie the Beau, hope you are all in the midst of enjoying your End-Week.

I have some more Questions for you. I do hope someone here can help me with them.

1) Why do Waiters (who are called this, I surmise, for the simple reason that they make one wait for them) clean the table, which one never touches (unless one is a very irritating small child) (that, by the by, is an example of Redundancy), but not the seats, which are inevitably covered with bits of food and rubbish, which then ruin one’s clothing?

2) If a Bat-Man is a man resembling a Bat, and a Spider-Man is a man resembling a Spider, then what precisely is a Door-Man? A Cow-Boy? A Soccer-Mom?

3) If Peter Petrelli (one of the Beautiful People on the Tele-Vision Entertainment entitled “Heroes”) possesses the power of Invulnerability, how did he get his Scar?

And does it make him look more handsome, or less?

As always, I look forward with delight to your answers about modern life — which, although they do not always lessen my confusion, never fail to bring me much amusement.

Your Humble Servant, and always Exquisite,

Bertram St. James