I received an email today from Bertram St James, the exceedingly elegant gentleman who mysteriously traveled from Regency England to our modern world a few years ago, and ever since has been watching way too much television and charging pizza and designer clothes to my credit card.

And, because I have nothing clever to say today, I figured I’d just share part of Bertie’s email…

(I know he won’t mind. He loves attention.)

I have a new question, writes the illustrious beau.

I have been attending more Moving Theatres, you see, as well as looking at the TeleVision Device for many hours every day, trying to decipher the ways of your society.

By the way, one of my favourite programmes was that Election series! How very dramatic!

(Though I fear I missed the finale…did Tiny Frey become Prime Minister?)

Oh, yes, my question.

Why are vampires all so comely?

Why do they dress so well?

Why are they neat and clean and elegant?

And why do they pay attention to their hair?

Or perhaps my true question is: why are all the non-vampires on TeleVision and Movie Pictures so unattractive, so poorly groomed, so slovenly?

I feel that if I can ever solve this conundrum, I will be much closer to actually understanding your Modern world…

In the meantime, I will continue to search for answers…

Answers as to why Dr. House never shaves! (And why, if he never shaves, he never grows a proper beard.)

Answers as to why Peter Petrelli cut off his lovely hair!

And answers as to whether or not that Bond fellow is ugly or handsome. I cannot make up my mind!

What do you think?

There you have it…Bertie the Beau’s latest musings….

And I second his last question: what do you think?

Cara King, who has more questions than answers herself…