Greetings, O Riskers and Regents!
The estimable authoress Cara King has agreed to let me post in her place today; and she made the offer out of the generous goodness of her heart, and not because she is at the moment rather busy picking up the one-thousand and five hundred pieces of the jig saw puzzle which somehow all landed on the floor.
I, you see, have some more questions about life in this century:
1) Why do you call postage stamps “stamps” when no one ever stamps them?
2) If a CD contains secret music hidden in its depths, what does an AB hold? Or an EF?
3) Why do so many women nowadays admire Mr. Daniel Craig? The man is quite ugly. Indeed, he looks like a prize-fighter. Pray tell, gentle ladies — what is the attraction he holds for so many of you?
4) Why do people find penguins cute, but turkeys comical?
5) If restaurants really wish to impress their patrons, why do they not replace their “oven-baked chicken” with a “frying-pan baked chicken”? Now that would be a dish worth talking about.
6) Am I white and nerdy? (I saw Mr. Yankovic’s musical audio-video production yesterday, and I have been pondering this question ever since. What exactly does “nerdy” mean, anyway?)
If anyone can answer any of these questions, I would be ever so grateful.
As ever, I remain,
Bertram St. James, Exquisite….at your service
Dear Bertie, extremely old thing:
1) Why do you call postage stamps “stamps” when no one ever stamps them?
For the same reason that telephones without dials still have a dial tone, or that we park our cars on the street miles from the nearest park.
2) If a CD contains secret music hidden in its depths, what does an AB hold? Or an EF?
If a CD is a Compact Disc, an AB is clearly an Autocratic Buffalo and an EF is an Enormous Fish.
3) Why do so many women nowadays admire Mr. Daniel Craig? The man is quite ugly. Indeed, he looks like a prize-fighter.
I, too, have pondered this mystery without success.
4) Why do people find penguins cute, but turkeys comical?
To be a large, flightless bird is intrinsically humorous; but to be one while also being formally dressed compels admiration.
5) If restaurants really wish to impress their patrons, why do they not replace their “oven-baked chicken” with a “frying-pan baked chicken”? Now that would be a dish worth talking about.
I quite agree! I ate a pan-seared fish for lunch, and I did briefly wonder how they would have seared it without the use of a pan. Perhaps with a blow-torch?
6) Am I white and nerdy? (I saw Mr. Yankovic’s musical audio-video production yesterday, and I have been pondering this question ever since. What exactly does “nerdy” mean, anyway?)
Nerdy is the term of high praise used to describe our society’s most valuable citizens. But you are a step beyond, my friend: you are white and Bertie!
Your most obedient servant,
Todd-who-has-Stephen-Hawking-in-his-library
1. Stamps are stamped while they go through the post office and not before. The physical stamp we put on envelopes means the tax was paid- the stamp itself is levied as proof of use/payment.
3. Some women like a man who has been knocked around a bit. My beloved is such.
4. Tuxedos automatically make something endearing.
6. Yes. But that’s quite acceptable. I’m rather white and nerdy too. Anyone up for a game of D&D?
As for 3, I have several answers.
Wanting to soothe the pain in those blue eyes. Knowing what would happen to anyone who bothered you while you were with him. And just like penguins, he looks great in formal wear.
Todd said it all.
As for #3: He’s a gorilla in a suit. I don’t get the attraction AT ALL. While he might make a fine 00-agent, he is patently NOT James Bond.
Well-said, Elena! 🙂
an AB is clearly an Autocratic Buffalo
Friend Todd, is that by any chance a bison with a driving licence?
being formally dressed compels admiration
Indeed, I have long believed this.
I’m rather white and nerdy too. Anyone up for a game of D&D?
Monsieur Georg (Or should I say Herr Georg?? So sorry — still learning modern etiquette) — I would be delighted. Are those anything like Ms & Ms? I am in raptures over their “candy-coating” and chocolate-flavoured centres.
Speaking of men being knocked around a bit — now that I think of it, far too many women in my era did see something to admire in boxers. I concede, their physiques were often splendid — but of course, most ladies of taste prefer elegant, handsome, refined, aesthetically balanced, and decidedly unbroken features such as my own.
As ever, your servant,
Bertie the Beau
far too many women in my era did see something to admire in boxers. I concede, their physiques were often splendid — but of course, most ladies of taste prefer elegant, handsome, refined, aesthetically balanced, and decidedly unbroken features such as my own
Lord Bertie, the problem with slender, elegant, etc. men is that they look great as ornaments at parties or to take you in for supper. However, as Elena pointed out, the streets of London aren’t safe now and certainly weren’t safe then. No wonder refined women were drawn to boxers in droves—for protection of their only assets, their selves.
You might want to consider visiting Gentleman Jackson yourself, my lord, to develop those, ahem, ah.
To Diane, Elizabeth Rolls, and Deborah Hale:
I received my autographed copy of Mistletoe Kisses today. What a great holiday gift, especially with bookplates and personal writing from each one of you. Thank you so much!
However, the streets of London aren’t safe now and certainly weren’t safe then. No wonder refined women were drawn to boxers in droves—for protection of their only assets, their selves.
My Darlings, that’s what swords were for. I’ll take a slender, refined, greyhound of man armed with a sword over a lumpish bruiser any day. But then I have this thing about finesse . . .
1) Why do you call postage stamps “stamps” when no one ever stamps them? Ah, well, they do eventually get stamped, at the post office, they do, you know, whatever it is they do to get those postmarks. 😉
2) If a CD contains secret music hidden in its depths, what does an AB hold? Or an EF? Well, abs hold the secret to some women’s hearts and ef. . . according to my dictionary, aparently so does eff. . . hmm, learn something new everyday. 😉
3) Why do so many women nowadays admire Mr. Daniel Craig? The man is quite ugly. Indeed, he looks like a prize-fighter. Pray tell, gentle ladies — what is the attraction he holds for so many of you? Well, I’ll have to get back to you on it since I haven’t seen it yet. . . just going on the stills I’ve seen. But I guess he’s okay, not in my top 5 list of really cute guys in the universe. 🙂
4) Why do people find penguins cute, but turkeys comical? Maybe because we eat one but not the other. . . ? 🙂
5) If restaurants really wish to impress their patrons, why do they not replace their “oven-baked chicken” with a “frying-pan baked chicken”? Now that would be a dish worth talking about. Ah. . . well, that’s an idea. Yep. 🙂
6) Am I white and nerdy? (I saw Mr. Yankovic’s musical audio-video production yesterday, and I have been pondering this question ever since. What exactly does “nerdy” mean, anyway?) Oh, I’m right with you brother! 🙂 I’m white and oh so nerdy and geeky. But nerds are very good — the end up the richest people on the planet. Well, a number of them do anyway. 🙂
Lois, who has Steven Hawking and Albert Einstein in her library too! 🙂
3) Why do so many women nowadays admire Mr. Daniel Craig?
I’m not especially an admirer of Mr. Craig’s (though I suspect that you, Bertie, might find my admiration of Sean Bean and Christopher Eccleston equally baffling). Based on photographs, I couldn’t understand why he’d been cast as Bond. But when I saw the preview for Casino Royale, I noticed that he’s one of those men whose whole is more than some of his parts once he starts to move and speak. He has a certain charisma, a Presence, if you will.
you are welcome, Keira!
Now if we could only get Bertie to read Mistletoe Kisses…
You do read, do you not, Bertie?
) Why do you call postage stamps “stamps” when no one ever stamps them?
Postage due isn’t wet either. It’s the federal government. What do you expect?
2) If a CD contains secret music hidden in its depths, what does an AB hold? Or an EF?
AB holds half an Abba album; EF means Elvis will always be first in my heart.
3) Why do so many women nowadays admire Mr. Daniel Craig? The man is quite ugly. Indeed, he looks like a prize-fighter. Pray tell, gentle ladies — what is the attraction he holds for so many of you?
He reminds me of the late, great Steve McQueen. It’s time we got rid of those wispy pretty boys.
4) Why do people find penguins cute, but turkeys comical?
My grandmother always said you can never go wrong with black and white.
5) If restaurants really wish to impress their patrons, why do they not replace their “oven-baked chicken” with a “frying-pan baked chicken”? Now that would be a dish worth talking about.
Not to the chicken.
6) Am I white and nerdy? (I saw Mr. Yankovic’s musical audio-video production yesterday, and I have been pondering this question ever since. What exactly does “nerdy” mean, anyway?)
If you have to ask, you undoubtedly are.
Respectfully,
Maggie Robinson
Regency Reject
You do read, do you not, Bertie?
But of course — I have all the gentlemanly accomplishments. I confess that I read slightly worse than I dance, but rather better than I sing.
And I am perfectly willing to read Mistletoe Kisses! If Milady King buys me a copy, I will read it and review it for you all.
Bertie the Beau
1) Why do you call postage stamps “stamps” when no one ever stamps them?
Clearly, you have never forgotten that stamps are now self-adhesive and licked it only to discover it no longer sticks.
2) If a CD contains secret music hidden in its depths, what does an AB hold? Or an EF?
CDs do? I just learned something new, so obviously I’m totally clueless regarding the AB and EF.
3) Why do so many women nowadays admire Mr. Daniel Craig? The man is quite ugly. Indeed, he looks like a prize-fighter.
Never lump women; we are ever contradictory. Though I must express my appreciation for clarifying why I don’t care for that look.
4) Why do people find penguins cute, but turkeys comical?
It’s true; it’s the dashing attire, woren to perfection. Despite their waddling gait and obvious roundness, they exude an enviable sleekness. Anyone who has been chased by a wild turkey will tell you that the only way to survive the humilation of it is to make it a joke.
5) If restaurants really wish to impress their patrons, why do they not replace their “oven-baked chicken” with a “frying-pan baked chicken”? Now that would be a dish worth talking about.
Actually, it is possible to bake in a frying-pan, though it will still have to be in the oven, so it seems more efficient to cut to the chase.
6) Am I white and nerdy? (I saw Mr. Yankovic’s musical audio-video production yesterday, and I have been pondering this question ever since. What exactly does “nerdy” mean, anyway?)
Do not be concerned. Labeling one’s self sets as many limits as labeling others. As a point of clarification, some of the bluestockings I’ve read about remind me very much of nerds, if that helps.
What a delightful and amusing visit! Thank you so much for dropping in Bertie. You’re a dear for helping Cara. And I look forward to your review of “Mistletoe Kisses.” I found it enchanting.
LOL, Todd, Georg, Lois, and Maggie!
And who knew that Bertie’s random thoughts could lead to such an interesting debate on male attractiveness???
2) If a CD contains secret music hidden in its depths, what does an AB hold? Or an EF?
If AB = Dear Abby, and EF = E.F. Hutton, then the answers are, respectively, answers, and lots of money.
5) If restaurants really wish to impress their patrons, why do they not replace their “oven-baked chicken” with a “frying-pan baked chicken”? Now that would be a dish worth talking about.
Indeed. Surely the folks who invented nonfat sour cream and buffalo wings have never heard the word impossible. (Or perhaps they just don’t know how to spell it).
Personally, I’m bored with marsala wine sauce, and would like them to make a marsala cider sauce. Or how about free-range spinach?
What exactly does “nerdy” mean, anyway?
It means all good things. And more.
Cara
(who edits Wikipedia, knows pi to sixteen places, etc)
I wrote:
an AB is clearly an Autocratic Buffalo
Bertie wrote:
Friend Todd, is that by any chance a bison with a driving licence?
With a pilot’s license, actually. That’s what buffalo wings are for.
Todd-who-thinks-buffalo-wings-sound-rather-tasty
Bertie, we’ve had a fabulous time chit-chatting with you. Do visit often.
Keira – you are most welcome. It’s nice to know that our book went to a good home.
And dear Bertie – we would all LOVE to read your review. Although I am very much afraid you may find Dominic’s rather battered physiognomy somewhat less than refined. Some of us 21st century ladies just love a wounded hero!
Elizabeth Rolls
I noticed that he’s one of those men whose whole is more than some of his parts once he starts to move and speak. He has a certain charisma, a Presence, if you will.
That was my reaction too, Susan. This movie was not about him being Bond so much as becoming Bond by the end. Based on the last few movies, the concept of Bond is evolving away from the fun but semi-mindless films where he’s unflappable and elegant while battling the villain on the wing of a plane or whatever.
Re Buffalo wings, Todd, I learned to enjoy them when I moved to upstate NY. They’re a specialty here and come in at least 4 grades: mild, medium, hot and suicide. I go for medium myself but still haven’t figured out why they are so small…
Elena 🙂
Just a hi from Lois. . . who once upon a time did think buffalo wings were buffalo meat. . . 😉
Dearest Beau Bertie (if I may address you so informally), I have to say my heart is torn. On the one hand a gentleman such as yourself can cause me to swoon with a well timed smile or particularly witty bon mot. On the other hand, Daniel Craig is just sooo darn intense. I think it’s the eyes that do it, but he does have other – erm, pleasant features.
Oh, and Weird Al and other nerds are hotter than Daniel Craig, ’cause when it comes down to it, it’s the brain that makes me swoon. Give me 140+ IQ and/or the ability to be creative over a big bruiser any day. 😀
Elena wrote:
Re Buffalo wings, Todd, I learned to enjoy them when I moved to upstate NY. They’re a specialty here and come in at least 4 grades: mild, medium, hot and suicide. I go for medium myself but still haven’t figured out why they are so small…
I have taken the tiny size of buffalo wings, relative to the size of the buffalo itself, as evidence that buffalo actually evolved on a very low-gravity planet and were later transported to Earth by aliens.
Todd-who-needs-to-put-a-fresh-layer-of-aluminum-foil-around-his-head-to-keep-them-from-reading-his-mind