Greetings, O Riskers and Regents!

The estimable authoress Cara King has agreed to let me post in her place today; and she made the offer out of the generous goodness of her heart, and not because she is at the moment rather busy picking up the one-thousand and five hundred pieces of the jig saw puzzle which somehow all landed on the floor.

I, you see, have some more questions about life in this century:

1) Why do you call postage stamps “stamps” when no one ever stamps them?

2) If a CD contains secret music hidden in its depths, what does an AB hold? Or an EF?

3) Why do so many women nowadays admire Mr. Daniel Craig? The man is quite ugly. Indeed, he looks like a prize-fighter. Pray tell, gentle ladies — what is the attraction he holds for so many of you?

4) Why do people find penguins cute, but turkeys comical?

5) If restaurants really wish to impress their patrons, why do they not replace their “oven-baked chicken” with a “frying-pan baked chicken”? Now that would be a dish worth talking about.

6) Am I white and nerdy? (I saw Mr. Yankovic’s musical audio-video production yesterday, and I have been pondering this question ever since. What exactly does “nerdy” mean, anyway?)

If anyone can answer any of these questions, I would be ever so grateful.

As ever, I remain,

Bertram St. James, Exquisite….at your service