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Category: Frivolity

Fun posts

Dreadfully Important Survey here. Much more important than that census nonsense. The fate of the world hangs in the balance.

And the pictures here of handsome men are entirely relevant, and not there for any superficial, oh-aren’t-they-cute sort of reason.

1. If Horatio Hornblower (as played by Ioan Gruffudd) had a fistfight with Jack Aubrey (as played by Russell Crowe), who would win? And how much would you pay to watch them fight? How much more would you pay if they fought without their shirts on?

2. How about Jack Aubrey versus Captain Wentworth (as played by Ciaran Hinds)? Or would you be too afraid that Anne (as played by Amanda Root) would beat you to death with her umbrella for watching?

3. How about Wentworth versus Hornblower?

4. If the three captains actually fought, would that be like Regency mudwrestling?

5. Would Richard Sharpe (as played by Sean Bean) be able to wipe the floor with any of them?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Cara

First, here’s the new cover for Dedication, coming from Loose-Id next month, and you’ll hear all about it as time goes on. There’s more information on my site. Isn’t it pretty!

My task of the day is coming up with a blurb for another book that will be out sometime … soon. It’s called The Malorie Phoenix and was originally written as an option ms. for Signet Regencies (remember them? Polyester dresses, no sex?). So on p. 7 the hero and heroine (who was, uh rather young, but the age of consent then was 12… No, of course she’s not 12! But she’s not 21 or 31, but inexplicably she’s a virgin) are at it. And I was going to send this to Signet? Thank goodness the line ended.

I can’t but help think of this in tabloid language which isn’t helping me with the blurb.

Earl’s Son Bonks Virgin at Vauxhall Gardens
“I didn’t ask to see ID,” says Benedict de Malorie, officer in some regiment or other. “I thought she was doing her bit for the Napoleonic war effort.”

Suspected Criminal Tangles with Aristocracy
Alleged pickpocket Jenny Smith, who refused to give her age, today accused the younger son of the Earl of T— of fathering her child. “And he was pretty incompetent in the sack,” Miss Smith reported as she emptied her pockets of three handkerchiefs, a fob seal, and a cravat pin. “Where the heck did these come from? I’ve never seen them before in my life.”

Vauxhall Gardens Shock Horror
… and so on.

So let’s take a look at a few tabloid interpretations of favorite books

Red Carpet Shocker at Meryton Assembly
Neither Fitzwilliam Darcy nor Elizabeth Bennet were available for comment following their encounter at the Meryton Assembly. Ms. Bennet, described by close friends as “in remarkably good shape following a night of dancing” has been seen working at her embroidery.

Willoughby Does It Again!
“I’ve no idea what her problem is,” John Willoughby said after accusations made publicly last night by Marianne Dashwood. “She obviously came out of rehab too soon.”

Just Friends
Pooh and Eeyore denied any romantic entanglement again today after they were seen sharing honey and thistles in an intimate thicket. “I think we should give them their privacy to work things out,” commented John Watson, long time companion of hottie Sherlock Holmes.

OK, now it’s your turn…


Greetings! It is I, Bertram St. James, delighted to be here (as always). I know you Twenty-First Century folk do not much care to answer my questions, but I will nonetheless continue to ask them. Such as:

1. How can the United States of America call itself a republic, and yet have a queen? And what sort of a queenly name is Latifah, anyway?

2. Why would anyone pay eighty dollars to buy Obsession? Is not Obsession something one comes by naturally, and occasionally pays large sums to be rid of?

3. In my day, musicians had names like John and Nathaniel. Why do musicians today have names like N Sync and Eminem? And why do they play no instruments?

4. Speaking of musicians, if M.T.V. truly stands for “Musical TeleVision”, why does it play no music?

If anyone can explain to me the answers to these conundrums, I will be most grateful.

Yours as ever, and exquisite as always,

Bertie the Beau


I’m celebrating St. Patrick’s Day a bit late–like today. I feel the same way about it as I do Valentine’s Day. Much of it very tacky. I am not into green food coloring in my beer, will take the genuine Guinness instead, thank you very much. Also, my own heritage is Lithuanian (more people who drink a lot and sing sad songs), so I don’t particularly feel the need to BE Irish for a day.

But there are some things I enjoy around this time. Celtic music: I put on my CDs of Loreena McKennitt, the Boys of the Lough, and others. Later today I’m going to a Celtic Songfest by the Binghamton Madrigal Choir. Meanwhile, my husband is going to make corned beef and cabbage. And I’m baking scones.

Here’s the recipe I used last year, and it worked well. Hope they turn out as well this time!

IRISH SCONES

3 cups white flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp cream of tartar
1/2 cup butter, softened
2 TBSP sugar
3/4 cup milk
1 cup raisins and/or other dried fruit
1 egg

1. Preheat oven to 400 deg. Lightly butter two large cookie sheets.
2. In a large bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, cream of tartar and sugar. Add butter and mix well.
3. Stir in milk. (Dough is heavy.)
4. Mix in raisins (use hands if necessary).
5. Press dough on a floured surface and roll out gently to 1/2 inch thickness. Cut scones into round shapes or triangles.
6. Beat the egg, brush scones with egg wash for shine.
7. Bake 15-20 minutes or until golden brown.

Elena
LADY DEARING’S MASQUERADE
http://www.elenagreene.com/

Because you can–and will–get that everywhere else, and I wish you much chocolate and flowers and smoochy stuff. But today I want to tell you about what I did last Saturday. It was a Regency Drag occasion at Riversdale House Museum where we had a historical whodunit event at which about thirty guests had to guess the instigator of the horrid event in the study with a poker.

IMG_3039

From left to right, sitting,  Mrs. Merry (with historically incorrect long underwear you can’t see because it was cold outside), our hostess Mrs. Rosalie Calvert (wearing an extremely lovely Indian silk gown), and Mrs. Lowndes (don’t let that demure exterior fool you). Standing, Mr. Foster the current English ambassador, our host Mr. George Calvert of Riversdale, Kitty the maid, and the wicked smuggling extortionist Col. Barclay (who made a lovely corpse).

I have no knowledge of the other participants’ underwear but by golly, don’t we look authentic! Most of the others were extremely well-informed and serious historical reenactors (I think I was given a line about “non-intercourse acts” as a test of my moral fiber. It refers to trade restrictions). We all played known historical characters who may or may not have committed murder.

merry

Elizabeth Merry (attrib. Richard Cosgrove)

Mrs. Merry was the wife of the former English ambassador who became entangled with Aaron Burr and was sent home in disgrace.The Merrys did not have a happy time in the Federal City. They were shocked that Thomas Jefferson received Mr. Merry in his carpet slippers (that is, Jefferson wearing his own slippers) and Mrs. Merry was slighted when, at an official dinner in their honor, Jefferson made a serious breach of protocol in escorting another woman to the table. Mrs. Merry then began a boycott of official social events but became well known for her own hospitality.

According to Cokie Roberts in her book Ladies of Liberty, there was a rumor that Mrs. Merry, who came from a modest background, had been a barmaid at a Suffolk tavern. In a quest for upward mobility, she married the local squire, and as a rich widow, picked Anthony Merry as her next husband, a hot commodity in diplomatic circles. Napoleon’s nickname for Merry was Toujours Gai because of his dour disposition. And Mrs. Merry’s maiden name was Death. I bet she spent a lot of time correcting people on its pronunciation.

The evening was a lot of fun, pretty much like writing except you didn’t have to write anything down–but then you couldn’t go back and erase and rewrite–and while there was a temptation to go off on tangents, we had to remember to casually drop clues into the conversations.

So unless you participated in a historical whodunit recently and would like to share details, please tell me how you celebrate Valentine’s Day.

 

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