Good day! Bertram St James, at your service. As I might have mentioned before, I’m not from your time. Not by quite a bit, actually. 1812 was my year…that is, until a few days ago. (And a fine year it was, too. Excellent vintage. Turned out the best-dressed men ever seen, if I do say so myself. And I do.)

This is a drawing of me. You see how forward-thinking my fashion sense is. Always ahead of my time.

Until now. Now I fear I’m behind the times. I have just a few friendly questions, as I get my bearing in the year 2005:

1. Why do men wear so few garments? And why are they so large and shapeless? Have the Puritans taken control of government again?

2. If the Puritans are in power, why do the women wear so little? Can it be that I find myself in a land populated entirely by Puritan men, and courtesans? Or are all the women freethinkers instead?

3. How can breakfasts be so affordable, and yet duels so few? I have long thought that only the exorbitant cost of buying breakfast for oneself, one’s seconds, one’s opponent’s seconds, the doctor, and one’s heartily apologetic opponent, kept the number of duels so low. And yet this morning I discovered a public house called “Denny’s” with prices so low I feared for my life every time I inadvertantly stared aghast at yet another man wearing a badly mended tent.

4. What in heaven’s name is wrong with the tea in this century????

As ever, your faithful servant,
Bertram St James, Exquisite