It is with great pleasure that I introduce Muphry’s Law (courtesy of my lovely daughter the artist), as defined by John Bangsund of the the Victorian Society of Editors who is allowed the spelling in #1 because he was Australian:
- if you write anything criticising editing or proofreading, there will be a fault in what you have written;
- if an author thanks you in a book for your editing or proofreading, there will be mistakes in the book;
- the stronger the sentiment in (a) and (b), the greater the fault; and
- any book devoted to editing or style will be internally inconsistent.
It’s tough to follow that, but I thought I’d talk about writing sex scenes. Or rather, YOU will talk about writing sex scenes, since I want some reader feedback.
What anachronisms do you tolerate in the heroine’s underwear
- Drawers that need to be removed
- Black and/or red garment a la Fredericks of Hollywood
- Victorian (much sexier) corset
- None. They’re all cheating
- Heck, who cares. They’ll be removed anyway
What location do you favor?
- The ducal bed
- The ducal bed even if the hero isn’t the duke
- The garden
- The conservatory
- The stables
- The drawing room
- The library
- The second undergardener’s shed while he’s on lunch break
- The … insert any other room in the house
- A carriage
- A carriage in Hyde Park when the fashionable parade
- An open carriage
- An open carriage in Hyde Park when the fashionable parade
- On horseback (one horse)
- On horseback (two horses)
- On horseback (any number of horses) in Hyde Park when the fashionable parade
How long do you like the orgasm to last (the characters‘)?
- A chapter
- At least six pages
- One page
- One paragraph
- One sentence
- A punctuation mark (yes, Pam Rosenthal, I’m talking about you. Read her books for seriously well written stuff)
At that moment, the hero should cry out the name of
- The heroine
- His mother
- His dog
- His nurse
- His best friend at Eton
Afterward, the heroine should say
- [insert hero’s name] never have I experienced anything so wonderful and beautiful.
- Where is my absolutely anachronistic underwear? Oh, you ripped it!
- I can’t wait to tell my sisters
- I can’t wait to tell everyone at Almacks
- Can we eat now?
Who laces the heroine back into her stays?
- The hero
- Her maid, hovering outside the bedchamber door
- No problem, she has a zipper
- He shouts down into the taproom of the inn for assistance.
Any other preferences?