a Cara King gone mad production… of
Jane Austen’s “BATMAN.”
When Batman and the Joker were alone, the former, who had been cautious in his threats to the arch-villain before, expressed just how very much he was in opposition to him.
“You are just what a young man should not be,” said Batman, “nonsensical, bad-humoured, lively; and I never saw such intemperate manners!–so much ease, with such perfect bad breeding!”
“I am also handsome,” replied the Joker, “which a young villain ought likewise to be, if he possibly can. My character is thereby complete.”
“I was very much angered the other day by your asking me to choose who was to live, and who to die. I did not expect such an insult.”
“Did not you? And yet it nonetheless occurred. But that is one great difference between us. Chaos always take YOU by surprise, and ME never. What could be more natural than me asking you to compromise your principles, your integrity, your commitment to never varying your facial expression? I could not help seeing that you were about five times as self-righteous as every other man in Gotham City. No thanks to my perspicacity for that. Well, you certainly are very noticeable, and I give you leave to wear your unbending suit of petroleum derivatives as much as you please. You could have worn many a stupider costume.”
“I do not understand you!”
“Oh! you are a great deal too apt, you know, to expect people to think as you do. You always see a fault in anybody who enjoys mayhem. All the world should be good and orderly in your eyes. I never heard you showing tolerance to actual human nature in your life.”
“I would not wish to be hasty in censuring anyone; but I always confront those I judge criminal.”
“I know you do; and it is THAT which makes the wonder. With YOUR keen intelligence, to be so honestly blind to the follies and nonsense of law and order! Affectation of honesty is common enough–one meets with it everywhere. But to be a crusader full of ostentation and design–to take the bad of everybody’s character and make it cause for action, and monotone muttering–belongs to you alone. And so you dislike the way in which I conduct myself, do you? My manners are not equal to Harvey Dent’s?”
“Certainly not–at first. He is a very pleasing man when you converse with him. But Miss Dawes has a wish to live with Mr. Dent, and keep his house; and I am much mistaken if I shall not find him a less charming man if she does.”
Cara King, who could use an Alfred to look after her books
Very funny and clever Cara. I love this, and I hope that you do more of them in the future. Now I have to go and see the movie.
LOL! I think you nailed it!
Ooh, cool! Although my images of Batman and the Joker ran more along the lines of Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson. LOL 🙂 Can’t wait to see what you do next time! 🙂
What an inspired post. You do these so well!! I’m waiting for Austen Wars, and 007 Austen. 🙂
LOL! Too funny! I love it.
Ah, what talent! Combining comic phenom with Austen mania. Brava!!!
Perfection as usual!! I LOVE the clever use of words. I truly do and nobody does it better than you! I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I really need to!
So…I know from sad experience that not everyone here knows Star Trek…and now I see that a surprising number of you have not seen Dark Knight (which is now something like the #3 grossing movie of all time, which led me to think y’all would have seen it…) Hmm…
So…what *have* you all seen??? (Besides Pride & Prejudice, that is.) 🙂
Wizard of Oz? Happy Days?
It’s got to be something I know quite well… And preferably something that wasn’t a book first… (Though Wizard of Oz may work, as I think most folks know the movie much better than the book…)
I clamor for the Jane Austen Big Lebowski.
Or the Jane Austen Napoleon Dynamite! 🙂
I also haven’t yet seen Dark Knight. I’ve been a summer movie slacker. But I was still LOL at Austen Bat, since I’ve heard so much about the movie anyway!
What about Jane Austen, What Happens In Vegas? 🙂
Oh, man, Cara you are so clever!
(And I saw DK)
Okay I haven’t seen Dark Knight either, but my daughter did treat me to Momma Mia, a happy pill on film if ever there was one.
Do I dare ask for Austen Abba?
And Austen Napoleon Dynamite would be wondrous. Just think of all the clever things Cara can do with, “Tina, eat your ham!”
You are strangely and wonderfully talented, Cara! I haven’t seen DK either. How about Austen’s Gunfight at the OK Corral?
Add me to the no-Batman Dark Knight movie list.
But I have a great idea!!!!!! Jane Austen Phantom of the Opera. (I’ll bet Lois will agree. Among others)
Of course it is all sung….
Oooh! Jane Austen Phantom of the Opera! Perfect. You have to do that one, Cara. Great fun! Not to mention visions of Gerrard Butler in Regency costume!
How about I do Phantom (Michael Crawford version) and Diane pictures Gerard instead? 🙂
Or, to put it another way…
With more than usual eagerness did The Joker hasten to Gotham City the next evening, secure within himself of seeing Batman there before the night were over, and ready to meet him with a psychopathic smile; but no smile was demanded (psychopathic or otherwise) — Batman did not appear. Every creature in Gotham City, except himself, was to be seen in the streets at different periods of the midnight hours; crowds of people were every moment passing in and out, up the steps and down; people whom nobody cared about, and nobody wanted to see, hardly worth tying to a large pile of explosives and a timer; and he only was absent. “What a delightful place Gotham City is,” said The Scarecrow as they sat down near the great clock tower, after wreaking mayhem till they were tired; “and how pleasant it would be if only the Caped Crusader were here.”
This sentiment had been uttered so often in vain that The Joker had no particular reason to hope it would be followed with more advantage now; but we are told to “despair of nothing we would attain,” as “unwearied diligence our point would gain”; and the unwearied diligence with which he had every night wished for the same thing while reducing the city to hideous chaos was at length to have its just reward, for hardly had he been seated ten minutes before Batman roared in on a high-tech motorcycle and beat him to a pulp.
Oh, and I particularly liked the bit about “your commitment to never varying your facial expression.” 🙂
Cara, I didn’t see the movie but this was still very funny! Keep ’em coming.
that was fabulous. i had to clean parmesan crumbs and spaghetti sauce off my keyboard. i’m going to link at my blog so others can share this brilliance.
do you take requests? i’d love to see Austen Gladiator.
i’d love to see Austen Gladiator.
Hmm… That could be nice. And as the hero in MY LADY GAMESTER was supposed to look like Maximus, my brain already thinks there’s a Regency link! 🙂
And, hey, I could put up pics of Maximus on the blog!
Thanks, M — great idea!
Regency POTO. . . oooooooooooh boy. . . Sigh. . . well, if you must, okay, I’ll read it. . .
and will keep the drool to a minimum! 🙂
I’m totally with janegeorge about a Jane version of The Big Lebowski.
Loved it!! I think you should do more 🙂
As to the Big Lebowski recommendations…I’m open to the idea, but I’d have to see it first. 😉
Very witty! LOL!
I’m crying here. Quite literally. I haven’t laughed like that in ages.
Jane Austen’s Braveheart?
I’ve discovered your blog through Apprentice Writer. My husband and I are Batman fans from way back. Love this:
‘Affectation of honesty is common enough–one meets with it everywhere. But to be a crusader full of ostentation and design–to take the bad of everybody’s character and make it cause for action, and monotone muttering–belongs to you alone.’
Thank you, Amy, Carrie, and Julia!!! I am so pleased that you are pleased! And Jane Austen is pleased, too. She rarely gets any recognition.
I can’t say whether or not Batman is pleased, though. Half the time I think he wants no publicity — but the other half of the time I think “why would he wear a suit like that if he wanted to remain unnoticed?”
Oh, and I am pondering on all your suggestions, BTW!
Austen Braveheart (suggested by Julia Smith) could indeed be very, very funny…
Austen 007 or Austen Star Wars (suggested by Keira Soleore) — another two great suggestions. (Todd will especially like the 007 idea! The only question is — whose pic do I put up next to the Bond dialogue???) 🙂
Austen Lebowski (suggested by Jane George, and seconded by Gina Black) — I’d have to see it first! But I’m quite open to doing so…I’ve been getting more and more curious about that movie anyway.
Austen Napoleon Dynamite (suggested by Amanda McCabe, seconded by Jane G) is another one where I’d have to rewatch the movie first…but I’m sure Jane Austen would like a crack at it…
Jane Austen’s “What Happens in Vegas” (suggested by Kathy) is another good idea — though I haven’t seen the movie! But it would perfectly suit the back-and-forth dialogue of Austen…
Austen Abba (a Jane George original) — I don’t know, I think Todd’s head might blow up. 🙂
Austen’s Gunfight at the OK Corral (suggested by Janet Mullany) — that would be intense! And as there was a Star Trek ep set there, I’d be tempted to make it Austen Trek at the OK Corral! 😉
Austen Phantom (suggested by Diane Gaston and seconded by Louisa Cornell and Lois) — okay, I may even do this one quite soon. Depends how the muse moves Jane. (I know the play quite well, which helps…)
Austen Gladiator (suggested by M.) — I’ll probably do this one soon, too, just so I can put up pics of Russell as Maximus… 🙂
BTW, Todd, thanks for your lovely addition to the post! I should just make you write them all in future, while I sun myself on the beach… (Not that we have a beach. But you know what I mean…)
Carrie Harris was the requester for Austen Braveheart – but that could be considered psychic link territory, because I’d love an Austen Braveheart.
Carrie Harris was the requester for Austen Braveheart
Sorry, Julia! Sorry, Carrie! [blush]
I can read, honest… 😉
roflmao. You made me spit out rice and beans. Score.
This is sheer brilliance. And I HAVE seen TDK. 007 Austen, please. And instead of The Big Lebowski, I’d rather have Fargo. Austen with the northern midwest accent…perfection.
Thanks, Carmen, Amy, Nalini, Majaz, and anyone I’ve missed! Erica, sorry about the rice and beans! (I lie! I only regret the rice.)
And I am so glad to find that some of us have seen Dark Knight. 😉
Darcy, I will definitely do an Austen version of 007. Fargo? Hmm… I did love the movie, but I’d probably have to watch it again. (Not that I’d mind!)
I’ve seen (and, I might add, enjoy) both Batman Begins and The Dark Knight very much. And I absolutely loved your parody! Highly amusing, I must say, and I loved the bit about Batman’s voice, lol. I wish you would do another, but with Bruce and Rachel’s shall we say, “rocky” romance? 😉 There would be plenty of Austenian fodder for such scenes, I would imagine…
Oooh, and I must add my voice to the host of other begging for another similar entry! I second, third, and fourth the notion of a Phantom of the Opera JA post! *rubs hands together with delight*
So glad you enjoyed it, olde.fashioned! And yes, there must be many Austen scenes that would apply fabulously to poor Bruce & Rachel’s romance…
I’ll definitely brew up an Austen Phantom soon… 🙂
I enjoyed it very much, so much so, that I’ve cross posted you on my LiveJournal. 😉 Hope you don’t mind!
(oh, and I must confess I’m grateful to hear you say poor Bruce and not poor Rachel in regards to romance. ;-P
I’ll definitely brew up an Austen Phantom soon
I’ll look forward to it, then! 😀
I enjoyed it very much, so much so, that I’ve cross posted you on my LiveJournal. 😉
I’m tickled pink, olde_fashioned! And I checked out your blog — very nice! (BTW, I love Tissot too!)
(oh, and I must confess I’m grateful to hear you say poor Bruce and not poor Rachel in regards to romance. ;-P
Yes…in both movies, she seemed to me to be a bit of a whiner. 😉