Risky Regencies now presents…

a Cara King gone mad production… of

Jane Austen’s “BATMAN.”

When Batman and the Joker were alone, the former, who had been cautious in his threats to the arch-villain before, expressed just how very much he was in opposition to him.

“You are just what a young man should not be,” said Batman, “nonsensical, bad-humoured, lively; and I never saw such intemperate manners!–so much ease, with such perfect bad breeding!”

“I am also handsome,” replied the Joker, “which a young villain ought likewise to be, if he possibly can. My character is thereby complete.”

“I was very much angered the other day by your asking me to choose who was to live, and who to die. I did not expect such an insult.”

“Did not you? And yet it nonetheless occurred. But that is one great difference between us. Chaos always take YOU by surprise, and ME never. What could be more natural than me asking you to compromise your principles, your integrity, your commitment to never varying your facial expression? I could not help seeing that you were about five times as self-righteous as every other man in Gotham City. No thanks to my perspicacity for that. Well, you certainly are very noticeable, and I give you leave to wear your unbending suit of petroleum derivatives as much as you please. You could have worn many a stupider costume.”

“I do not understand you!”

“Oh! you are a great deal too apt, you know, to expect people to think as you do. You always see a fault in anybody who enjoys mayhem. All the world should be good and orderly in your eyes. I never heard you showing tolerance to actual human nature in your life.”

“I would not wish to be hasty in censuring anyone; but I always confront those I judge criminal.”

“I know you do; and it is THAT which makes the wonder. With YOUR keen intelligence, to be so honestly blind to the follies and nonsense of law and order! Affectation of honesty is common enough–one meets with it everywhere. But to be a crusader full of ostentation and design–to take the bad of everybody’s character and make it cause for action, and monotone muttering–belongs to you alone. And so you dislike the way in which I conduct myself, do you? My manners are not equal to Harvey Dent’s?”

“Certainly not–at first. He is a very pleasing man when you converse with him. But Miss Dawes has a wish to live with Mr. Dent, and keep his house; and I am much mistaken if I shall not find him a less charming man if she does.”

Cara King, who could use an Alfred to look after her books