Yours Truly: Jane!
Jane Austen: Good morning. Is it morning? Do you know the date?
YT: Yes, but I’m not telling you on account of you might be shocked how long it’s been since the last time you were sitting around yakking. By the way, it’s your birthday tomorrow.
JA: It is? How lovely. Thank you so much for mentioning my special day–
YT: Right. Special day. Before we talk about your fav cake and shit, can I ask you a question?
JA: (looking a bit shocked) Of course.
YT: You had doors in your house back in the Regency, right?
YT: Good. What did they look like? Because I need to know. I’m trying to write this scene—
JA: You’re an authoress? What a coincidence. I too–
YT: Yes, but only if we define writer as someone who procrastinates any actual writing until there’s nothing left of her soul except panic and the need for caffeine, sugar and cocoa butter and who when she’s freaking hyped up on the stress with like smoke coming out of her ears before she actually gets decent words on the page, finally does something you could call writing. Sort of. Does that sound familiar to you at all?
JA: I think I’m getting a call. (Digs in her reticule.)
YT: They didn’t have cell phones when you were writing. So listen, about Regency doors. I have this scene where the hero and heroine are in this room and they’re alone, but one of them wants to leave, I can’t decide who yet, but that doesn’t actually matter. The point is whoever tries to open the door, when they do that the handle falls off and they get temporarily stuck only I don’t know if they had door knobs back then.
JA: Door knobs?
YT: Crap. Did they have door knobs? Do you know who invented the door knob? Because actually, when I Google, the results are unclear.
YT: Yes. Google. A search engine.
JA: But it’s misspelled.
JA: I beg your pardon?
YT: Door knobs, Jane. Concentrate.
JA: Perhaps there were door knobs as early as 1820 but I can’t be sure because **cough** I was not alive in 1820.
YT: I’m thinking I may have to email the Antique Doorknob Collectors of America or buy one of their books, but I don’t know which one to get. Ack!
JA: Americans collect doorknobs?
YT: Some of us are obsessed. OMG! Look at those doors and hardware. So pretty!
JA: Oh Em Gee?
YT: I’m swooning. Look!
JA: Where is my vinagrette?
YT: You know what I really hate?
YT: Pictures that look exactly on point that have no date. Seriously. There should be a rule that whenever you post a picture of something old you’re REQUIRED to say what date the really old thing was made. You can’t just say, Victorian, or 19th century or back in the olden days. There should be a rule that you have to GIVE THE YEAR!
JA: Could we go back to talking about cake?
YT: Sure. If you want.
Happy Birthday, Jane!
JA: Who’s Emma?
PS. Was I supposed to do a contest thinggee? OK. Comment and I’ll figure out a prize. Not cake, though.